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the smallest one was madeline

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[30 Jul 2006|11:21pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

I don't really understand what's going on in the world right now because I've been in the woods. I don't like this feeling.

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[06 Jun 2006|07:04pm]
it's so humiliating to misunderstand

also, should i even go to graduation tomorrow?
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[05 Jun 2006|03:11am]
[ mood | angsty! ]

i hate i hate i hate i hate
and i'm going into the woods for two months yayyyy
it's appropriate
at least i no longer feel that the life has drained out of me but rather that i would like it to, or that life is pettily amusing like a dark comedy
i would like to crawl into a hole (the woods) and maybe none of this none of it ever happened
yay teen angst after 3 am at least it's something i can talk about now instead of just lying in bed about it
i feel like i'm 13 and 25 at the same time, luckily that averages to 19

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[03 Jun 2006|07:35pm]
when i was in india, i had better things to worry about

but: only five more days in cambridge, a couple weekends, two nights at the end of july, five more days before labor day, and then college...so basically this is it

counting down is the lamest and i have moral objections to it
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[01 Jun 2006|01:28pm]
fucking pissed off
i'm so eloquent when i'm angry
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[01 Jun 2006|10:13am]
[ mood | summery ]

I'm done!

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[15 May 2006|09:06pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Remember when we were friends?

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[09 May 2006|11:25am]
[ mood | shocked ]

"Can I give you a phone number at which she can call us back?"
"Oh she's gotta call that Jewish girl? What's her name, that's her doctor."

The doctor, of course, is my mother.

This upset me.

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not actually entirely related to my previous entry [08 May 2006|02:59pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

I finished 1000 names on my call list!

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[08 May 2006|08:32am]
Sick of this.
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[01 May 2006|05:33pm]
Sudoku article: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/01/arts/01conn.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
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[27 Apr 2006|03:42pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Scheduling mammograms, when they actually get scheduled, rocks my socks. A life, potentially saved! :) :)

Today has been one of those perfect days. A fantabulous picnic! Okay, back to work...

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[23 Apr 2006|08:38pm]
Now it feels like the T is rumbling under my house, and I'm not sure if it's a very powerful washing machine or thunder or what. I love the rain, on the roof, along the side of my house thanks to a broken gutter, my comforter on top of me, so much. Raain.

This was a very good weekend. I saw four people who I had missed rather much, saw each for a rather long time, and did rather different interesting things. I got very excited for school. I saw David Wyman for the first time in a year.

I am beginning to live for the weekends. :)
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[20 Apr 2006|11:30pm]
I knew that a gap year would be lonely; I just didn't realize how used to being lonely I would be by then.
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I wonder how Nicholas Kristof sleeps at night [18 Apr 2006|05:03pm]
Today was a really good day at work. I finally started calling patients. I called a woman who only speaks Arabic, so said I'd have an interpreter call back. I called a man who of his wife first said, "she doesn't speak English," then said, "she died." Which was a bit awkward. Then I realized how confusing those two statements are when put together--perhaps he's not used to his wife being dead? Perhaps he's lying? I really like talking to strangers on the phone. Scheduling appointments is rather daunting (I don't think I ever say just "daunting" on its own, without "rather"), because it's final and nobody's checking but a lot of people are affected, and I only learned how to do it today. I left a lot of messages with spouses and children, who all sounded very sweet and put me in a good mood, but surely will misplace those slips of paper.

Doctors are very cool. Health centers are too.
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[18 Apr 2006|04:21pm]
I have two tickets to the Dresden Dolls concert at the Orpheum on Friday.
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[11 Apr 2006|12:34am]
[ mood | discontent ]

Today I:

Spent so many hours pouring through medical charts that I began to notice things like people with my birthday in different years, people who had check-ups on the fifth anniversary of 9/11, people whose birthdays are five days before my brother's. I like getting to the Irish names because there are often four matching names, middle initial included. And the Albanian names, with completely wacked out first names.

Then I went to the beach in South Boston just before sunset, while my mom checked up on her last patient at the nursing home. South Boston has a lot of broken glass, but it's only half formed into sea glass, so I found only one piece I liked. I saw the part of the harbor where we sailed all day in the rain last year, a dog with a tennis ball, an obese person actually running. I was cold but not too cold, and then I felt so sleepy I nearly started crying when my mom wouldn't finish.

In South Boston today I saw a lot of people who were too fat or sick to walk properly.

With so much time in front of a computer, in a basement, I worked myself into a funk. I got periodically dissatisfied and sad and stressed out, when really all I was was sleepy.

Then I watched Zoolander in French, got yelled at by my brother for several things in which he was mostly completely right, and listened to my mom try to speak French with her American accent and unconjuated verbs.

And I didn't go to sleep, and I didn't talk to anyone in person, and I worried too much about my friendships.

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[10 Apr 2006|04:56pm]
[ mood | indecisive ]

Do I want to observe Passover or not?

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Cleaning my room [08 Apr 2006|03:46pm]
[ mood | productive ]

I have in my room a letter that I wrote my grandfather: my first Vanguard article cut out and a note explaining it proudly. My mom brought it back from his condo last year after he died. Gawd.

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[08 Apr 2006|11:51am]
[ mood | thawing ]

Dear Loving Madeline,

                      Greetings and Prayerful wishes from Sr. Lilly Chirayath.

I received your mail. Hope you might have received my mail which I sent to you.

Thanks a lot for the money you sent USD$2850.  Money we have transferred into our account without any problem. We have taken new admission for Jyothi, Divya, Reethu, Anchal and Pooja in English medium school at Dwarka St. Mary’s school. July is studying in K.G. She was first in the play class.


                  Stella, Mary and Riwa they are appearing their exams in these days. How is your life our there. Please give my greetings o your Father and Mother and all your friends. May God bless you for all the help you do for our children.


With Love & Prayers

Sr. Lilly Chirayath

Holy Family Asha Niwas

New Delhi

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